Sunday, August 25, 2013

My pants are very talkative

Me: Hello, Pants!
Pants: Huh?
Me: You can talk!
Pants: shhhh...
Me: THESE ARE MY PANTS AND THEY CAN TALK!
Pants: Shut the fuck up!
Me: THESE ARE MY PANTS AND THEY CAN TALK AND THEY ARE VERY IMPOLITE!
Pants: Geez, now you blew my cover! Months of preparation for nothing, thanks a lot!
Me: What are you talking about?
Pants: This is strictly confidental.
Me: Okay, nevermind (maybe we'll find out in later blog posts - cliffhanger!!!). I have a request.
Pants: *sigh* What is it?
Me: My dearest Pants, may I shit in you?
Pants: What? No! I left this dark chapter of my live behind long, long time ago.
Me: Dark chapter? Didn't you mean brown chapter?
Pants: You're sooooo funny...
Me: Dear Pants, your rejection fills my heart with sadness.
Pants: Good.
Me: Is that all you have to say to your disappointed owner?
Pants: Yes.
Me: What about shitting my pants a little?
Pants: No.
Me: I guess you didn't get it. What about shitting *my* pants a little?
Pants: No.
Me: You belong to me, so you need to fulfill all my wishes.
Pants: This is ridiculous. I'm off.
Me: PANTS? HEY, PANTS! WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?

This is the story of how I wanted to shit my pants but they ran away and I ended up in a dark alley naked and talking to myself.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Nine lives of love

Hello my dear reader!

First of all: I love you! Sincerely! You might say Why the heck are you loving me? I just stumbled over this Blog only because I hate the world and spend most of my time reading random stuff about the fun hidden in the mysterious treasure chest called life hidden inside random thoughts of people I don't know and don't wanna know as I already mentioned that I hate the world and therefore hate people and hate fun and hate myself and castigate myself by wallowing myself in all theses characters comprehending things I hate. Or you might say something else. Or nothing at all.

And now I discovered font sizes. The internet is full of miracles. Nevertheless, let's move to the motivation why I deflorated this innocent blog by writing the very first entry:

I love you readers! I purr the whole day (and night) as I'm currently feeling like a cat living my remaining nine lives in good old Austria where each life represents a single day before entering new worlds of adventure and confusion.